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I had a therapy session yesterday, and it was the most intense one yet. You know how you go to grab a little thread on a sweater, and you end up unraveling not just that sweater, but every other sweater in the drawer? Yeah, like that.
I TRIED to container the feelings, but they're boiling over. I'm snapping at my husband every time he comes near me, and the worst part is that while I'm maybe a little annoyed at him (for not being able to read my mind, and for being insensitive because he's privileged and feels he should be able to invade my space any time he wants to), one of the people I'm really pissed at has been dead for nearly ten years, and the other I haven't seen or heard from in nearly that time, and haven't been in significant contact with for over fifteen years.
This is fucking painful. This sucks. She has offered an extra appointment this Saturday, and I may take her up on it, simply because I'm afraid I'll explode if I don't get some more of this out. Every nerve ending in my body is on red alert right now. I feel SO sorry for my family, because until I get this resolved, I'm going to have NO patience at all with them. I can hold it together for work, but then when I get home, I'm completely out of spoons and need rest, which I can't get because there are a billion things that need to be done.
Some of this is all wrapped up in feminist issues, too. And issues of beauty and desirability and age and weight. Yeah. All that. And now, with no further ado, off to work.
I TRIED to container the feelings, but they're boiling over. I'm snapping at my husband every time he comes near me, and the worst part is that while I'm maybe a little annoyed at him (for not being able to read my mind, and for being insensitive because he's privileged and feels he should be able to invade my space any time he wants to), one of the people I'm really pissed at has been dead for nearly ten years, and the other I haven't seen or heard from in nearly that time, and haven't been in significant contact with for over fifteen years.
This is fucking painful. This sucks. She has offered an extra appointment this Saturday, and I may take her up on it, simply because I'm afraid I'll explode if I don't get some more of this out. Every nerve ending in my body is on red alert right now. I feel SO sorry for my family, because until I get this resolved, I'm going to have NO patience at all with them. I can hold it together for work, but then when I get home, I'm completely out of spoons and need rest, which I can't get because there are a billion things that need to be done.
Some of this is all wrapped up in feminist issues, too. And issues of beauty and desirability and age and weight. Yeah. All that. And now, with no further ado, off to work.
