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Originally published at Am I the Only One Dancing?. Please leave any comments there.

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SALT LAKE CITY, UT- JUNE 24:  U.S. Republican ...

SALT LAKE CITY, UT- JUNE 24: U.S. Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney and his wife Ann Romney talk to several small business leaders at the Hires Big H hamburger restaurant on June 24, 2011 in Salt Lake City, Utah. Romney made the campaign stop in order to talk to small business owners in the Salt Lake area. (Image credit: Getty Images via @daylife)

SALT LAKE CITY, UT- JUNE 24:  (Image credit: Getty Images via @daylife)

Of course they do! The ‘controversy’ stems from one woman (Hilary Rosen, who I’d never heard of before this incident) saying that Ann Romney had ‘never worked a day in her life’. It may in fact be true that Ann Romney has never earned a wage in the marketplace in her life. It is even more likely that she has never had to rely on working for a wage to support her or her children.

Yes, Ann Romney works. She raised five children and she is a political wife, which is a career in and of itself. However, the choice she made, to stay at home and devote her life to her children and her husband’s career is one that is difficult or impossible for many women.

Please note. Staying at home with your family is not a bad choice. It’s a pretty incredible choice, actually, for those who have the personality and resources to do so.  That is why feminists and liberals so often work to make that choice available for more women.

  • Liberals and feminists support paid sick leave and paid maternity and paternity leaves for parents who must work to make it easier to balance parenting and working.
  • Liberals and feminists support programs that allow impoverished women to stay home with their children and raise them with dignity and safety, through enforcement of child support laws, food stamp programs, parenting programs, housing programs, and cash benefits that support the ability of women to take care of their children when left without a parenting partner.
  • Liberals and feminists support modernizing Social Security to honor the unpaid labor of stay at home moms so that their retirements are equivalent to those of people who work in the marketplace.

The Republican cries of horror at what’s-her-name’s criticism of Ann Romney are disingenuous at best. Republicans do not support providing institutional supports to make parenting easier. They do not support honoring the unpaid work of women as equivalent to the paid work of those in the marketplace.  What they do support is restricting the choices of women even more than currently, including restricting choices in health care procedures and providers.

There are legitimate criticisms to make about Ann Romney.  She has not demonstrated that she supports the sort of policies that would make her choice more available to women not born with silver spoons. She has not demonstrated that she supports health care policies that would enable more women to survive the serious medical conditions her economic privilege has allowed her to survive.

But there is no bandwagon to jump on to criticize Ann Romney for staying home with her children, try as Republicans might to find one. It’s a good choice, an important choice, that many women make with their lives. And liberals and feminists want to make that choice more available to more parents.

If you want more women (or men) to have the choice to stay home with their children, the way to achieve that goal is to vote Democratic, not Republican, this fall. That’s the choice at the root of the choice.

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odanu: b&w pic of a young me on a rocking horse (Default)

Originally published at Am I the Only One Dancing?. Please leave any comments there.

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The full article that inspired this post is here at Sociological Images

The author of this response, Beau Sia, has posted an excellent performance piece on the basic concepts of privilege and prejudice, in the voice of Alexandra Wallace of UCLA, without mocking her for being female, or for having large breasts. It is very refreshing to see a response that doesn’t rely on misogyny.  Watch the whole piece.

His piece does not only apply to Asians in the library, but to young Black men at the grocery store, or women at the construction site, or Muslims at the high school.  This is a fundamental bit of education, done in an entertaining fashion, that applies to the concept of privilege more broadly than the original prompt.  Beau Sia’s YouTube bio lists him as an Oklahoman who currently lives in New York City and is a slam poet, whose parents are Chinese immigrants from the Philippines.

This also goes back to the series that Chally at Feministe is doing about origins, titled Where Are You From (parts 1, 2, 3 and 4), and who really belongs someplace.  I am a Caucasian American, and most places I’ve been, I felt like I belonged, with one exception.  In the deep south, when visiting, I was clearly a Yankee, and it was made clear to me that if I lived the rest of my life there, I would never belong.

Beau Sia makes a poignant case (as does the Feministe series) that many, many Americans never have the experience that I have, that I am automatically accepted as belonging.  In some cases, as in the ever increasing hysteria on the Right regarding Hispanic Immigrants and Muslims, the ‘not belonging’ of it all is vicious hostility.

This has been perennially an issue for African Americans and women, two groups (among others) that wake up every day with the sure knowledge (conscious or unconscious) that the world they live in wasn’t built for them and doesn’t reflect their values.

Unconscious privilege is an insidious trap, and it is easy to get caught in it.  This makes Daniel Jose Older’s piece “Beyond Manning Up”, in Racialicious all the more astounding.  As an EMT, Older describes the process he went through as he realized, slowly and gradually, how normal violence against women is in our society, how utterly banal.

He compares the stages of understanding privilege to the stages of grief, and it is an apt description.  When you have been raised to believe in a “level playing field”, which is a truly wonderful ideal, to allow yourself to stop believing that it exists is a deep loss. He rightfully concludes, however, that getting to the final stage, understanding, is only the beginning.

I can only hope that Miss Alexandra Wallace at UCLA learns a similar lesson, and that the rest of us can take something from her example, the fine response of Beau Sia, the series by Chally at Feministe, and the excellent article by Daniel Jose Older.

 

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