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EMDR session #3
May. 14th, 2009 08:24 pmthe first thing I told my therapist was that I was petrified, because I had told her last week that I wanted to work on the big trigger item and I was afraid that I wouldn't be able to repack the fear and all the rest of the shit that therapy would bring up, so she backed it up and had me tell her about something that upset me in the last couple of weeks, but that wasn't as frightening as the big thing.
Is it freaky that the "not serious" thing I worked on today was that someone had threatened to kill me next time he saw me, and I was mad about being frightened?
Anyhow, she had me describe the event, and the negative emotions I felt during the event. She had a cheat sheet to help me identify what I was feeling. Then she asked me what I would like to feel, and she had a cheat sheet for that, too. Both of those were really helpful.
So now we're down to brass tacks. She has the "emotion I want to get rid of" and "emotion I want to replace it with". She sits across from me and taps my knees, back and forth, right, left, right, left, and tells me to just say what comes to mind. For awhile I didn't have much. Then shit started pouring out, and she would stop every now and then, and examine the stuff, and redirect me, and get back to tapping, while I watched her tap and told her what thoughts were flying to the surface.
By the time we were done I had completely redefined the experience, and identified what was really bugging me (and no, it wasn't actually the threat, it was that I had been caught between two roles, and felt I had let the person down, and possibly damaged a clinical relationship I'd been working on for years), and found a way to the positive emotion I was wanting to feel about the emotion.
I'm emotionally drained, and sleepy, and she warned me that I might have vivid dreams (as if that were a switch) but I feel peaceful about the situation, and I realize that I know exactly how I want to deal with it next time I see that person (and yes, I will apologize, and rebuild the relationship). I'm also looking forward to working through the rest of the shit, and I'm actually hopeful that my anxiety will go WAYYY down.
Is it freaky that the "not serious" thing I worked on today was that someone had threatened to kill me next time he saw me, and I was mad about being frightened?
Anyhow, she had me describe the event, and the negative emotions I felt during the event. She had a cheat sheet to help me identify what I was feeling. Then she asked me what I would like to feel, and she had a cheat sheet for that, too. Both of those were really helpful.
So now we're down to brass tacks. She has the "emotion I want to get rid of" and "emotion I want to replace it with". She sits across from me and taps my knees, back and forth, right, left, right, left, and tells me to just say what comes to mind. For awhile I didn't have much. Then shit started pouring out, and she would stop every now and then, and examine the stuff, and redirect me, and get back to tapping, while I watched her tap and told her what thoughts were flying to the surface.
By the time we were done I had completely redefined the experience, and identified what was really bugging me (and no, it wasn't actually the threat, it was that I had been caught between two roles, and felt I had let the person down, and possibly damaged a clinical relationship I'd been working on for years), and found a way to the positive emotion I was wanting to feel about the emotion.
I'm emotionally drained, and sleepy, and she warned me that I might have vivid dreams (as if that were a switch) but I feel peaceful about the situation, and I realize that I know exactly how I want to deal with it next time I see that person (and yes, I will apologize, and rebuild the relationship). I'm also looking forward to working through the rest of the shit, and I'm actually hopeful that my anxiety will go WAYYY down.
