Another full day at work...
Jul. 27th, 2010 06:07 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
odanuand little time for "fun" stuff. I got home this evening and saw immediately that while his father and I were working and earning a living, our youngest son had not done any of his assigned chores. I didn't yell. I just got him started on his chores, and added some for good measure. He doesn't know it yet, but tomorrow he will be deep cleaning the downstairs of the house.
I simply don't understand parents that raise their children without a conception that they are expected to pull their own weight at home. As a feminist mom, my sons have household responsibilities, now that they're old enough to handle them, equal to mine and their father's. The only part of household management my sons don't participate in is the executive stuff: the budget, the planning of long term goals, etc. And yes, they have some input on those as well, they just don't participate formally.
This summer I had a minor surgical procedure, and have not felt physically able to work full time and then do housework and gardening on top of it. That means that my boys have had to pick up some of my slack. I fight hard against feeling guilty. It's summer vacation, and even with the chores, both of them have broad swathes of their days free of responsibility (or would if they didn't dawdle over their chores). Still, I'm a product of my environment, and my environment has drilled it into me since I was a small child that a mother that sits on the couch typing or sewing or knitting or spinning while her husband and/or child are cooking and cleaning is simply being "lazy".
On the other hand (and I remind myself of this often) our egalitarian marriage works incredibly well for my husband and I, and we each have approximately equal responsibilities in the domestic sphere (which are divided more along interest and time availability lines than anything else, and are constantly shifting). My sons are learning how to be participative romantic partners, who don't see the domestic sphere as "women's work". I've already been thanked for this by a couple of my oldest son's girlfriends over the years, and when he realized it made him more marketable as a partner, my oldest son (reluctantly) thanked me himself. Doesn't stop the grumbling, though. It also doesn't stop the deeply ingrained guilt.... but I endeavor to persevere.
I simply don't understand parents that raise their children without a conception that they are expected to pull their own weight at home. As a feminist mom, my sons have household responsibilities, now that they're old enough to handle them, equal to mine and their father's. The only part of household management my sons don't participate in is the executive stuff: the budget, the planning of long term goals, etc. And yes, they have some input on those as well, they just don't participate formally.
This summer I had a minor surgical procedure, and have not felt physically able to work full time and then do housework and gardening on top of it. That means that my boys have had to pick up some of my slack. I fight hard against feeling guilty. It's summer vacation, and even with the chores, both of them have broad swathes of their days free of responsibility (or would if they didn't dawdle over their chores). Still, I'm a product of my environment, and my environment has drilled it into me since I was a small child that a mother that sits on the couch typing or sewing or knitting or spinning while her husband and/or child are cooking and cleaning is simply being "lazy".
On the other hand (and I remind myself of this often) our egalitarian marriage works incredibly well for my husband and I, and we each have approximately equal responsibilities in the domestic sphere (which are divided more along interest and time availability lines than anything else, and are constantly shifting). My sons are learning how to be participative romantic partners, who don't see the domestic sphere as "women's work". I've already been thanked for this by a couple of my oldest son's girlfriends over the years, and when he realized it made him more marketable as a partner, my oldest son (reluctantly) thanked me himself. Doesn't stop the grumbling, though. It also doesn't stop the deeply ingrained guilt.... but I endeavor to persevere.
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Date: 2010-07-28 02:51 am (UTC)Understand, I don't do this deliberately. I don't and never have guilt tripped my kids. It just frikkin' drives me crazy when the housework doesn't get done.